Why
do I exist? I know, it’s a pretty loaded question but it’s one I don’t quite
know the answer for. Why do I exist?
It keeps me awake at night sometimes; the sheets
twisted, the moon bright, the room awash in my iPhone’s light because what do
you do when you are unhappy with your own life? You compare it to the social
media version that we are told is real life.
Often, I get so scared that I will live an ordinary
life; one where I will work to live, live to work and forget to ask why. Why do I exist?
Then I think about something I read once. It said that
the chances of my birth were one in four trillion. One in four trillion. And I’m a twin – the youngest,
too – so maybe those odds were higher for me, who knows, really. And with those
statistics, I sure wasn’t meant to live and die, work and sleep on repeat
without doing…something.
Why do I exist?
Perhaps you know, or perhaps you don’t. It could be
that you’re a little like me with an inkling of your purpose but that notion is
far more frightening than the question itself. What if living your reason seems
impossible? Too hard, too much work? What then?
I remember when I was younger and the phrase
“impossible” seemed ridiculous. Each day I would wake and know exactly why I
was here with that level of fearlessness possessed only by the young or
innocent. “The scariest things in life
are usually the most worthwhile,” I would say whenever I was told no, be
realistic, things like that just don’t happen around here, not to people like
us.
And yes, I may have taken that line from a movie but
it is a truth nonetheless. The scariest things in life are usually the most worthwhile. Because a life without risks
breeds ordinary and with the chances at one in four trillion, we all have the
capability to be so much more than ordinary.
Life is full of mountains and hurdles to cross and no
one ever said the path of asking why
would come without loss. Sometimes we must chase the light through the dark
places and question every second, why
– why do I exist?
Maybe it’s to be a mother, or a writer, or a teacher.
Maybe it’s to travel, seek adventures, make mistakes and learn from them. Maybe
it’s to see the world, or to make worlds or to save worlds. Maybe I’ll have a
career in what I’ve always dreamed of or maybe that dream will change along the
way as I cross those hurdles and climb those mountain peaks. Who knows – I’m
only twenty years old and nothing is ever set in stone. It’s up to me to find
my own reasons for being.
Though maybe…maybe I exist because of…well. You.
